Tatian

*footnotes ;]

2011-12-21T13:45:00.001-08:00

la la la.

btw...

if you don't understand that last shit, I understand.

Sometimes I just write whatever comes to mind and despite any attempts to organize it in some fashion, it comes out "crooked" and "weird."

Don't over analyze it ;]

...further more, on the subject of philosophy and existence...

2011-12-21T12:57:00.000-08:00

life is an equation: u get what you put into it.
You can not end up with a "c" if you do not put a "c" into it.

you may not understand now, but when everything is merged and equal, one will understand MORE, but maybe not fully.

***

my thought: the fact that we all share any ONE moment in life means that we are connected.

***

one- O -we start from ONE single entity; the spontaneouness of it's divide, is the miracle of "life" - so powerful as it starts together, it spreads a part, in a great divide...

opposites- ) ( -good/evil: white/black; opposites attract, and (t)here is a divide.

peace- ( ) -unity: understanding of each other. Acceptance of differences

separation- .*. -(levels of difference, although vague, there is a hierarchy: still, we remain part of each other).

***

...we all go back to one.

Life is one big pattern - one big equation. Despite what happens to the a, b, c or d... in the end, you will only get what you give. "what goes around comes around"

***

...some call that karma.

***

I am what I am because of all that comes before the "am" - and because I bleed blood, breath air, eat and die, like you - I am you, and you are me. And we, we are one.

One could say, we are separated. But if so, than only separate now, on earth, because of (these) physical bodies.

..(however) even these bodies share moments with ALL other bodies. So does that not complete the circle, fully? - in the end, there is nothing i feel that you do not...

I can not claim otherwise.

We are touched by the same sun.

***

There are moments, days, even, when I breathe well, knowing I've shared air with you. Along with moments and days when I breathe poorly - faint, and restricted; suffocating even, knowing that I have shared air with you.

...because I know we are one in the same and the only real difference between you and I now are the few extra or less "pluses" or "minuses" in between everything else, all of which, is (really) exactly the same.

(LOL)

the randomness that is, Tatian's thoughts...

2011-12-21T11:45:00.000-08:00

On my way back to California from ATX, the girl sitting next to me, pulls out an "US" magazine. She flips through it, promptly - as though three hours wouldn't be enough time to really read it... Then hands it to me.

I flip it open, coming to a heading "They are just like us" - referring to actors and actresses being "like us" - the "common folk." I wanted to vomit; the idea that anyone is NOT like "us", is silly to me; humans are humans. We are all of the same blood, the same matter... We share the same feelings... We fuck the same, eat the same, shit the same.. cry the same... What a waste of paper, this general, ridiculous statement is taking up.

I kept the magazine.

***

My sister and I had a philosophical type conversation - several times - during my trip to Austin; most of it involved "not being special" - because we were so similar, as humans. The ultimate argument was that, in the scheme of things, we are not amazingly unique creatures - but are simply flesh and blood. At least, that is, in this world - in this physical existence.

What scares me, and what we know nothing of, is the capabilities of those, after their physical bodies are no longer preventing them from "higher" thoughts, "higher" processes - what then? If none of us were confined to our bodies, what would our possibilities be?

I wonder sometimes about all the processes going on in our brain... I wonder about how those processes would or would not travel about (and process) without the physical brain.

The simple answer would seem to be that energy, despite it's "kind" continues to be energy after any such diminishing of actual brain matter... that, in death, the presence of a person continues on, despite not having a person to house such said energy.

(forgive me for jumping right in)...

The next question for me, since the energy question seems to be so easily answered, is what is the universal method of communication after the physical method of speaking is gone? And, does there need to be one, after the body is gone? If we have no voice box, what is the use of words then? Are we limited even after dying, in communicating with just anyone? Are we limited still by languages, by continents? By nationality?

The only truth, the only solid thing - are numbers. Numbers are universally shared. In life... and in death. They do not change. They remain the same. The only constant thing in this world; death, (taxes), and numbers.

So... the next logical question is: can we communicate through them? Can we utilize numbers in the physical and spiritual, to communicate between the difference?

...between that gap that so many people want to know about and understand?

...idk. But i want to.

i h8 u so much right now

2011-11-18T22:25:00.000-08:00

Here they are again: Random flashbacks... Bits and pieces of this and that; it is the same few bits and pieces as before, but somehow always around now, I think about it more.

I remember telling a therapist once about how it felt and then how it felt to constantly think about how it felt - "ptsd" she called it - I say, call it whatever you want... the end result for me, is the same.

It is like the "great horrible" movie, that, after one painful view from start to finish, there is never any chance of (you) seeing it again. Because it is just "that great" but also "that bad."

I was warned to "be careful" - literally told to "be careful" ...I was told that you were "up to no good."

I look back now and I think sometimes it was a higher power trying to intervene, saying "you fucking idiot. watch your back."

But I was so fucking naive then! I should have believed her. I should have turned around and walked away.

Perception is everything. Whatever you think did or didn't happen then - it doesn't even fucking matter. All that matters is how you made me feel right then, in that moment...

...and how that moment changed my life.

2011-11-18T13:59:00.001-08:00

I only remember what i remember.

remembering

2011-11-16T10:07:00.000-08:00

There is something very "sick" about remembering things that you don't ever want to think about.

The other day, on fb, someone sent me a friend request. I accepted. After, I happened to be browsing his profile to see an old name listed as one of his friends - someone I want nothing to do with, (in ANY way - I want NO connections), so I deleted him.

This morning, he sent me two more requests.

Ok.

Let us get one thing straight.

I have no interest, really, in keeping up with MOST ppl, let alone some guy from high school - despite any "friendship" we might have had then - if that person is in any way connected or involved with Darrell T.

He assaulted me. He planed it. He video taped it. He kept tokens - my bra and underwear - like a fucking serial killer collecting items from dead bodies... After that, he left me, in a parking lot. Alone. Took my car, and took off.

Did I mention, two years after the assault I find out that he showed his little video tape at some high school party? - It was like being assaulted all over again.

If that isn't totally disgusting, I don't know what is.

What makes it worse, is that I knew him. We had history. Three plus years worth of friendship and a short stint, dating... I thought I knew him well.

The night it happened (Thanks Giving) I ran into his family friend - she tells me, "he is up to something bad, be careful Shelly."

I was so confused when she said that - but it made sense, after the fact... why why why didn't I listen to her?!

...I never claim to know anyone, or trust anyone anymore - ever.

thanks to him.

He deserves to not be breathing air as far as I am concerned. So forgive me if I get a little upset over a simple "friend request" - but, it just isn't that black and white.

...You know, I still blame myself for leaving the house to meet him that night. When he called me, he sounded upset - and up until that point, I thought we were friends... but I was wrong. I rushed over to be a good ear, and that was my mistake.

I can not get out of my head the fact that he planned it out.

I can honestly say that he changed me. What he did, what he said, how he acted...

***

I started studying Psychology because I wanted to understand. I wanted to understand why.

***

I still don't get it.

***

fucking asshole.

"and then"

2011-04-27T22:35:00.000-07:00

funny how when I start to write, it just keeps coming; much like everything else in my life that comes in waves... when I write, I usually write a lot and write often.

***

But now that I am on the page, I am at a loss for words.

:/ hmmph..

I made it to 3 classes today... then got stuck in the car for twenty minutes on my way to my night class - I didn't make it - there was just no way I was going to drive... BUT, I diiiid start the car - twice. ha.

Funny... It confuses me sometimes as much as it may confuse people on the outside, looking in: I get it for the most part, but even on those days when I "feel" good or "seem" to be doing good (anxiety-wise) there really is no telling - I could go with or without a bad attack. And it can come on in an instant.

Terribly annoying, if you ask me - this bs re: panic disorder.

Mom told me a few months back that she had had boughts of anxiety and agoraphobic behavior when she was younger... *shocked* All I could think was how this information would've done me good years ago... :/ ...because if I've remembered anything from all my psychology courses, it's that genetics and family history have A LOT to do with psychological and physiological issues.

eek! ...the more I learn about my family, immediate and extended, the more I learn about myself - and and the better I can, in a way, see into the possible future of my own self; and perhaps in doing so, can prevent certain things, as well.

ha. there is a reason why there are so many "sayings" out there... the one I'm thinking of right now, "I am my mother's/father's child." *laughs* so fn true.

not in every way, respectfully - we are all individual. But, still, in more ways than most may realize, we are more alike than we are different.

2011-04-27T11:17:00.001-07:00

(did i mention i'm bi?) ...I nd a girlfriend.

Cutting...

2011-04-26T12:47:00.000-07:00

Cutting, burning... "whatever" you want to call it... I do it.

...and whenever anyone sees a scar, or wound, I get one of two responses; Why? or WTF?! - they don't understand why I would do something "like that" to myself, or they are just plain pissed at me for doing something "so stupid" to myself.

And I "get it" - I understand why ppl respond this way... I "get" why a person would be confused or mad...

But do YOU get it? - My best guess is that you probably don't "get it" - my side - unless you are a self-mutilator yourself.

...some people drink, some people do shit-tons of narcotics and Rx drugs... some people drive fast cars, or do advantageous things like jump off cliffs.. some people are (simply put) "sluts," some people beat their wives, abuse their kids... some people do all of the above...

I paint and I write..

I draw and tattoo...

I run...

I design clothes, and sew...

I build websites..

I take pictures...

...

and I cut, and I burn.

And it is hard sometimes, to explain to ppl "why."

But I've been thinking about it... and basically, I've figured that I sometimes do it to "not feel" and sometimes I do it attempt to "feel something."

How I go from one to the other, I can not really explain. I suppose this is why I am so fascinated with Psychology - it is, in some way an attempt to help myself; to help me understand "everything."

...because if I understand anything, it is that I know nothing, really. Because in the scheme of things; a person can never fully understand something until they, themselves have experienced that "something" in full.

ie; I can not and will not ever contend to know what having cancer is like, because as of now (knock on wood) I do not have it... and while I might "be aware" of somethings about the disease of cancer, itself - I do not know it.

(I can give a million examples...)

but you "get it" right? (ha)

really tho... Perhaps I am getting too philosophical...

all this talk about "knowing" ...lol.

Back to the subject; I feel like there are plenty of other, WAY WAY WORSE "bad habits" than cutting, or burning :/ - OH, wait, don't mis-understand: I do not by any means support self-mut., or recommend it, or want ppl to go out and "do it" - but coming in from the other side... I "get it" ... when I see other ppl with scars, I feel like in some way, we are connected; that in some way, we are in our own little exclusive "I get it" club.

*laughs*

It hurts other people to see the results of a self-mutilator's actions, I understand that :(

...but sometimes, I wish you knew how this felt.

...sometimes I wish for once, all this pain and agony that seems to be bottled up in me, 24-7,365 - could be your burden too; if only for ONE moment.

:(

...because if all of us could experience EVERYTHING for just a moment - the world would be a better place.

because everyone, would "get it."
...I'd "get you" and you'd "get me" - and we could all "get along."

..do you get it?

:/

(my) Panic Disorder & Agoraphobia

2011-04-20T10:32:00.000-07:00

Two days ago I was running around outside with my husband and my sis-in-law. I also managed to go down to the gym at my apt complex and run - It took me 4 months to go there.

And now today, I missed my first class because I couldn't leave the apartment. :/

Fn ridiculous!

I can't catch my breath when I am in a panic attack ("attack"). My heart skips and I get weird arrhythmia... I get overly hot and flushed (like the temperature all-of-the-sudden gets 20 degrees hotter in the rm I'm in, even tho it doesn't...) I shake. Physically shake. And tremble, sometimes violently - my hands and legs especially. I get faint; my vision goes dark and I loose my footing - perhaps something like vertigo? - I can't tell u; but basically, I feel like my heart is not working and I can't fucking breathe. Half the time my vision goes super blurry or just plain fades to black - kinda sucks when ur driving, or in a place unfamiliar...

Panic Disorder is debilitating in so many ways. It makes it hard to drive and do every-day things; getting outside to run errands and shit is simply not possible on some days, (unless I feel compelled to crash the car... Or fall down the stairs) :P

...and shit spins, did I mention that shit? When I have an attack, many times it seems like the floor is falling out from under me, or that the room I'm in is spinning.

I took a train once, from PA to NY, to meet a friend I had been chit chatting with about tattoos and shit (A Creative Director for an awesome tattoo Mag). OMG. hardest shit ever to do... Especially considering that when I visited PA that I was not planning to go to NY.

I wonder sometimes if ppl can tell that I am falling apart inside. I hope not, of course. I seem to be "fairly" good at hiding the way I "feel" until I just can't bare it any more.

...So anyways - my NY visit: ...After running - literally running to make my train, I rode 3 hrs to get to NY, got off, met my friend for maybe 40 min., then ran back (literally) to the train station to change my ticket for a sooner departure, and rode 3 hrs back to PA... (I really, really wanted to stay that day, but I just couldn't do it).

...Ultimately, I wouldn't recommend going to the big apple if you share my condition. LOL. It was neat to see it and to meet my friend, but not so pleasant when you have difficulties with anxiety shit.

(but, I DID do it. ha!)

SO yeah... back to TODAY; why so hard?

I'll be damned if I miss my other 3 classes today, G damnit.

***

Any how. Been working on a shit ton of tattoo stuff... I love doing it. It has been my saving grace during this bought of panic attacks (bcuz they usually come back-to-back in waves through out the year) - - - I'm waiting for my "no panic attack" stretch ;] ...itll come.

pics:

...since I got some new machines, I've been cleaning up line work that I did in the past with my old machines (now super crappy old machines to me, after being introduced to QUALITY machines, lol)... My geisha is coming along nicely. I have to cover and fix some scars but I get closer and closer everyday. And learn a lot in the process. HA.

***

Anyways, PEACE, love and happy 420 (if ur "green")... and all that jazz...

2011-04-12T19:02:00.001-07:00

fn panic attacks!! *GIR* ...so SO god damned tired of them.

shrug

2011-02-17T14:16:00.000-08:00

So, it's been a while.

I get quiet I suppose.

...But -

Let me not waste time...

I've been on a roll when it comes to being artistic; getting a plethora of miscellaneous old projects done: some skirt designs, some tattoo work, some drawings... some writing... (less of the later).

I stopped dreading my hair, in response to Michael's constant protesting - funny how ppl can never completely address an issue full-faced, but how a collection of things said, here and there ultimately add up... ha.

Right now, for the third or forth time I am reheating my coffee and drooling over these new veggie GF apple cinnamon muffins *grin* ... *nom nom nom* :D

I've been missing quite a bit of school, already; not by choice and not because I was being a delinquent, lazy student. (I wish it was tho, delinquency would seem like a dream, compared to the panic attacks and agoraphobia).

I feel like a fool trying to describe these "things" to others - trying to tell others how it feels, why it's an issue, why it came to be, why it's as bad as it is... ALL hard to do - it is hard to talk about in general, and hard to explain as well.

I understand why people have such a hard time with "things" (reality) - in attempt to deal with a person's own life/surroundings, they tend to block out other things; the things they don't like or don't understand... I get it; it is a coping mechanism: I have quite a few of those myself! ;] But I bet mine are "different"...

Funny...(how) things in life are so different, and yet so much the same.

I wish people were more open-minded. I wish people were more civil. It is silly of me tho, to keep wasting precious day-dreaming time on such fairy-tales; in the history of the world, there has always been a war going on somewhere; just because a person or ppl are not directly affected by the issue right then, does not mean they will never be or that it isn't indirectly affecting them.

...so when I come into class late... are people thinking how I couldn't breathe when I was driving over? do ppl think about it taking me five hours to get there, despite that my apartment is 5 mins. away? do ppl think about the night before, when I couldn't sleep? - And the nights before that... Do they see what I see when I walk outside? - things spinning and wobbly? Do they feel constantly nauseous and sickly?

Do they know what it's like to have a full-blown panic attack? Can they imagine what it's like when my heart races and pounds arrhythmical and my vision goes? When I can't sit still and my legs are twitching and I'm trembling - what do they suppose it is? - too much coffee? ...too much coke? (the later of which, I do not do btw)...

Do they have any idea what I am thinking when I sit in class and am taking deep, regulated breaths? Does it annoy them?

...I ran out of my Thursday social work class last evening - I had a terrible attack...

Does the class have any idea how hard it was for me to sit there, in the confines of the small room, over-crowded with far too many, loud, talking students...??? Do they have any idea what it was like to have to leave? - To have to have people move from their semi-organized groups of desks so I could get through? Do they have any idea how hard it was for me to walk out of the room; my legs like jell-o... my heart pounding out of my chest, my breathing labored, my body hot and over-heating...

I do not assume anything when I see or meet a person, but it is not to say that I do not wonder...

***

There is a character on Criminal Minds; the young genius - he is the son of a brilliant woman, who is now in the confusing throws of schizophrenia... through out the entire show, the character troubles himself with the question, "...can I protect myself from Schizophrenia, using my intelligence and knowledge about it?"

The answer: Nope.

...so then I have to wonder, even with a high IQ (165), if I will ever succeed in beating the things that trouble my life so.

The answer: Probably not.

I am in the ONE percentile when it comes to my "IQ" - and yet, it makes no difference (!!!) in the ultimate scheme of things; I still can't leave my apartment!!

I hate myself for not being able to really utilize my intelligence (better), but god damn it if there are not a SHIT TON of intervening variables to battle my being able to.

*shrug* life is a constant battle.

(gone to get married)

2010-10-12T10:34:00.000-07:00

I am 28 today. Just two days ago I got married.

I can't believe I managed to get to this point :/

I haven't written in ages. Maybe nine or ten months... Can't say why I chose today to say anything at all - truth is I still don't feel much like sharing.

I've been doing so much thinking lately... you would suppose that I had a lot to say.. but alas - I do not.

...Sometimes, admitting that you know nothing and/or have nothing to say or add to something is the smartest thing to do - or not do ;]

Happy Tuesday, Oct 12th!

Damn the moon!

2009-12-01T12:53:00.000-08:00

Strange things happen during full moons...

Just recently, I had an old acquaintance send me a questionably endearing email - wanting (me) back in their lives... apologizing for bad blood...

and this morning, my ex of six years batters me on a bit on twitter, saying that in the six years we were together, that I never loved him and was not "marriage material"

*confused*

Reeeally?

Bah!

I disagree!

I call foul!

*jumps right in*

I admit to having a great deal of "issues" but nothing kept me from taking care of the things that needed to be taken care of; I made shit work! I "managed" some how...

AND, I must say - in my (crazy) behalf - that I handled the lot of "everything" better and with more gusto than any person I know, let alone a person who shares half of my "dumb shit"...

All of which, (bi-polar disorder I, fibromyalgia, panic disorder, agoraphobia... Ed...) were at the peak of their "functioning" then.

...

The ex says I never loved him. I say, "What girl would put up with six years of ups and downs if she didn't love the other person involved?"

...

Please.

Truth is, if he didn't want me, he wouldn't be contacting me at all.

And he is.

and he's posting it all over twitter making it VERY obvious, also... Even tho he knows I am with Michael and that I am busy with school out here, in CA - three states away.

It's no secret that I still care for my ex; I was with him for a long time and we have a great deal of history... to this day, I love him and I question whether or not we were meant to be together.

But the reality of everything:

we are not together now.

We are three states a part, in fact...

things didn't work out.

and it obviously didnt work out for a reason.

And, most importantly, I am WITH Michael now. And it's no secret that I love him.

***
***

My thing is this: I love my ex and I always will; I would to this day, in fact, take a bullet for him - and without batting an eye...

but.. as far as us - I waited SIX years for him to "grow up". And he never did. I don't think he has yet, either...

I waited also, for him to ask me, seriously, to marry him, and he never did...

If over the six yrs we were "together" we couldn't make things work, what makes one think that we can make it work now, let alone make a family work?

>>>And what about this posting to twitter? Do not tell me that you don't know who is going read it and don't tell me that your not expecting to start an argument...

You know ur being insulting, btw... for you to say openly at me, on twitter none the less, that I wasn't "worthy" of marriage and that I treated you like a rag doll... ugh... it's unnecessarily offensive. I kept us a float and stepped up on more than one occasion to make sure we survived, and I do not and have never treated you like a "rag doll". I only loved you.

You're furthering our distance. You want to "take away my option"? Really??? - ok...

I never asked you to wait.

I've only been honest.

And realistic.

***
***

Your posts on twitter are upsetting :( Especially since you've openly admitted that you know who reads them and that you don't give a fuck - it seems very vindictive then, for you to post what you've posted. <<<

***
***

*sigh*

***
***

Already, Michael has gotten down on his knee and asked me to marry him - and more than once.

***
***

I hate to love
and love to hate men.
you guys are beyond messy.
im tired of getting my hands dirty.

*GIR*

In a perfect world, everyone would have the perfect everything.

OCD

2009-11-21T13:17:00.000-08:00

(*rambles on* - from Twitter)

Sqeakmachine(.com) posted a pic on twitter today of her drawer of undies... It was super cute; they were all lined up in perfect rows.

She related it to her OCD... (I can relate cause I have it too) ...but I remembered when I was kid, when it was easily ten times worse than today; it was really, really bad - debilitating when it came to living the life of a quote unquote "normal" kid.

I still have ocd, but I consider it very much in control; I'm still very particular (anal) about things being in its place... things being hung up and folded in its place... plates and dishes being in order of color and size in the cabinet... the neat freak stuff wasn't and isn't that bad for me - I actually benefit out of that - it was the compulsive part of it that was the worst.. feeling the need to wash my hands constantly, the need to turn on/off an item a certain number of times... the need to retrace my steps... I had a plethera of little rituals I "had" to do through out my day and for certain daily events... if I didnt get the chance to do them, I was compounded with thoughts of dread - the moon was gonna fall outta the sky, someone was going to die... the roof was gonna cave in... (i was terribly creative in these "thoughts of dread" mind you... I was too creative for my own good, really...)

Took me years to learn how to NOT perform the compulsive part of the disorder - washing hands a million times, tracing footsteps, turning things on and off... etc. etc...

It also took me just as much time to realize and learn that my NOT doing something was NOT going to cause any adverse effects.

Any ways... *reflects* ...I'm sooo grateful, actually, that my shit isn't nearly that bad any more. I still have some little rituals and shit, but I don't have the negative thoughts or compulsive shit following... Thank "God"

...and really, considering what I'm studying, the experience isn't anything short of being "great" experience for my field; it's hands-on shit! hahaha! ...when I'm talking to clients, and say in a calming voice that "I understand." I'll REALLY be meaning it - unlike a great deal of people who say it, when they can only "try" to understand.

*everything happens for a reason*

any ways, I still see a lot of OCD in my habitual crap, but it's manageable.

It's the O in OCD:

...I like coffee in the morning before I get going and I'm super picky about my coffee being hot - I don't care so much about the flavor but it's got to be HOT :| For example, Sbux couldn't put enough Xs in front of that "H" and they are "legally" not "allowed" to make my lattes as hot as I would like... I want it hot! - if I spill it on myself I want it to burn something.

...plates need to stacked in order of their color; the blue and brown glass plates have their own shelf...

...my comics need to be in their covers and packed in their box, in order...

...towels need to be folded all the same way...

(I could go on for days... when I think about it, I guess I have a lot of habits... but everyone does... it begs the question: where do we draw the line in regards to whether a person has "habits" or OCD? - my psychological side is wondering right now)

***

***

***

I said I'd post about the site, but I'm not ready yet... I think I want to finish working on the HTML shit and finish up the actual website before I divulge into anything. When I talk about it, I kinda wanna have at least a "mock" version of what I ultimately want - so that I can get feedback on it...

***

***

***

Happy Saturday! *kisses*

A pic from a week ago...

(I've since taken the extensions out and have started doing the real things; They are "stylish". lol... I like what I've got, but I'm not interested in doing fully locked dreads - I like mine loose, scattered, far from the root and not "full" - I'll post pics of what I got soon :]

...after I study!

I got five chapters to read... I dunno how the hell I get so far behind so fast :/ lol.

***

follow me on twittttter for more pics and random rants ;] (and cute robotic smilies)

Trying new things :]

2009-11-14T14:13:00.000-08:00

So, I'm trying something new!

In a few ways... I haven't posted (anything significant) on here - for years... literally and now I'm re-directing other blogs to this one ;]

And then there is me, entertaining the idea of doing dreads - for real. (Of which, I've been wanting to do, for about 5-6 yrs).

I know what I want them to look like, and they are not the typical "dread" look that seems to overwhelm the internet or tv... i don't think, any ways... I almost wanna draw you guys a picture of what I'm thinking about... but instead, I found some pics... ;]

I'm going for the following - but imagine, pink tapered ends, long, lose tops, small braids, thin over all dreads, multiple sizes, additional hair... (did I help or make things worse for you? can you imagine them? - I swear this is more of an art project than anything else... *grin*)

...??? Can you kinda imagine what I'm going for?

Everyone keeps telling me there is no going back on dreads, but that's just silly, really... from what everything I've read so far... It's just like combing through a million knots! (only a million...) *shrug* I'm getting a little bored with my hair as it is now anyhow...

And I must admit that I've thought about dreads for a long time now, and after doing the extensions... I like the idea of it more and more... That... and as much I love the look of the extensions, the idea of doing them again... ugh. Kill me now - they equal lots and lots of work and hand manipulation... and, as if that isnt enough to make u appreciate them and appreciate the ppl who do this alllll the time and maintain the look indefinitely... the artificial dread extensions personally gave me a very painful, red rash :/ It felt like I had a terrible sunburn on my head :( (which is why I took them out as soon as I did, btw. *pout* I was so upset over it too; took me way over 8 hours to do them and in a matter of days I had to take them out).

Any ways... I'm not letting that stop me! I know what I'm going for and I wont except anything less... I'm taking this on as an artistic challenge - only with hair.

*babble babble*

Here's what the dread extensions looked like (tell me if you think I should dooo it? Just in case I decide to jump in for sure, I'm buying supplies today! lol):

Soooo...???

I gtg.. I got stuff to do... I'm running to the beauty supply store... and I need to finish applying for schools - the last day is coming up in about a week and a half and I am SO FAR behind :/... it's really just ridiculous.

Have a nice day! XXOO

***

Next blog: I'll tell you what I'm planning for the site; I think you might like...

*evil grin*

break time

2009-11-07T16:35:00.000-08:00

YAY! I finished my biological psychology test and ended up with a 92%! :]

I didnt sleep last night very much, so now that my test is over, it's naaaaapppppp time!

I'll get back to this post later, my bed looks so inviting right about now and I can barely keep my eyes open :/

***

Oh... What do you think of the site? I've spent a great deal of time on it. I plan to have most of my artwork posted there along with misc photos and DIY blog entries for whatever I happen to be into at the moment or find relatively interesting.. ;]

*tired* my brain needs a break.

until later. XOxo

years.

2009-06-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

haha. havent posted on here in years.

remembered it bout a week ago.

had to hunt down my info to get in...

::reads old posts::

...hmmmm.

...interesting.